Friday, July 26, 2013

What not to say...

I had a random memory of the day we first got the hint of Johnny's diagnosis and wanted to record it...for myself and for others who could use the reminder.

Needless to say, I was a little shocked and extremely upset upon leaving the doctor's office after learning about the concerns that showed up on the ultrasound. I had cried in the exam room, in the parking lot, and in the car. I needed to pull myself together because Crystal was patiently waiting at her house with MacKenzie and Keegan, probably very ready for me to pick them up. One of Matt and I's traditions is to stop for a chocolate smoothie from Potbelly Sandwich Works after our doctor appointments. I even try to uphold the tradition when he isn't there (I know...what a sacrifice). Crystal was approaching her third trimester so I had told her earlier that I would pick up a little treat for her too, just because and to say thank you for the extra help watching the girls. The last thing I wanted to do was to get out of the confines of my car and go inside, but Baby Raptor was hungry and so was Crystal. I took a moment to try and collect myself and hurriedly ordered my food. The sandwich makers try to chat you up while you are waiting for your sandwich to toast and in what seemed like an extraordinarily long period of time, the guy behind the counter began to do just that. I stood there, numb and tried to fake myself through the conversation. Apparently there was no Oscar for Best Performance in my future because the guy just stopped the chit chat and said, "Um, Lady, Are you ok?" I fought back the hot tears springing to my eyes again and told him it had been a really hard day. And then...he shrugged his shoulders and went on with the chit chat. Now I wasn't expecting a huge soliloquy or further prompting into my woes, but a simple, "I'm sorry" would have sufficed nicely. It felt very odd to stand there as he jibber jawed on and on about his day while I just willed the seconds to pass a bit quicker. I need to remember this myself. If someone looks like they are having a bad day and I feel compelled to inquire, I need to be prepared with an appropriate response.

That being said, it was a really good sandwich and an even better smoothie.

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