Friday, January 16, 2015

Doing Something Right

I think that humans doubt themselves a lot. Even. Supremely confident person like myself is always striving for more. To do more. To be more. To achieve. To work. To fight. When all of the doing battles against the hours of each day and, ultimately, loses, doubt can settle in. Doubt in decisions made to do one thing over another. Doubt in not doing enough. Doubt in being enough. 

Compound this as a mother. 

Compound this again as a mother to a child of special needs. 

But take a night like tonight, with a freshly bathed and jammied 2 year old boy. A boy who signs "cold" to his mama because he knows it means she will grab a blanket off the couch and sit and snuggle with him before bed. A fiesty and vivacious two year old who still wants to snuggle and hug on his mama. A mama who rubs his back, strokes his hair, and sings to her boy. With a boy who takes his hand and, in turn, strokes his mama's neck, runs his fingers through the ends of her hair, and hums as he drifts closer to sleep. 

The only break in our sweet routine is spread sporadically through our time together, when Johnny pops up into a sitting position, just to smile at me and to see me smile back at him before nestling back against my chest. 

There is no doubt in that moment. There is an absolute presence of perfect confidence that you are doing something, and maybe even a lot of things, right. 

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