Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Gettin' Old

I turned 29 yesterday, I am officially in my 30th year of life. I remember as a kid wondering what my life may be like at this point, feeling for sure that I would have it all figured out. And while I think I have a pretty good grasp on a lot of my life, I find it interesting that sometimes I still work to "find" myself. I never thought that I would be considering a trip back to school within the next decade to start a different career in an entirely different field. I never thought that I would already have three kids and would really like to have a fourth before that big 3-0 appears by the box that says "age" (I am very happy with the idea of all the kids being graduated from high school by the time I am 48). I never thought that my life would be a lot like I imagined it and nothing like I imagined it all at the same time. I never thought I would be a stay at home mom and loving it. I never thought that the woman that I am would be enough for me. I thought I would have "done something" with my life by now, that I would be famous (although I could never pick between Hollywood fame and glamour or academia fame). You couldn't have told me that Target, picnics outside, and take out brought by a friend would be a pretty fantastic birthday. 

I am so stinking happy. And it isn't like everything always goes right for us. Matt and I argue. Household chores are left undone. The kids get fussy. I feel left out. I struggle. But despite all of the normal, every day situations, my life is good. And the normal stuff doesn't feel uncontrollable, it feels necessary. The rough times are just that, times. So we work hard to change what we can, we learn to communicate a bit better, and we learn to be content and grateful for all of the wonderful things in our life. So happiness is an emotion that is felt more often that not. So happiness is being delighted and thankful for moments with my three kids rather than rubbing elbows with the big wigs I thought I would know by now. Happiness is working through arguments with Mattie and continuing to learn about one another despite tiredness, being worn out, and feeling stubborn. I never could have imagined such happiness for myself.  And because I am that happy, this whole getting old thing doesn't feel so bad. So while I might feel a little worn down because I am finding grey hairs with a little bit of frequency, 29 feels like a good age to be because I am happy with me at this age. 

Happy birthday to me!


martha said...

Happy birthday! I remember when y'all visited us in England around the time of one of your birthdays and you were newly pregnant with Mac. You made the best tacos for us too. Yum! Amish you!

The Howards said...

That was a pretty amazing birthday. Two countries in one day and desperately hoping you would ask the magical question if we were pregnant so I could spill the beans! Amish you guys!