Tuesday, May 28, 2013


I've come across a new startling issue in dealing with Johnny's Ds. I knew all along that at some point there would be delays, but I was struck today with a new emotional aspect of those delays. 

So many people I know, myself included, often comment on how they want their children to slow down. And I get the concept. I feel like I shouldn't blink because the girls change so much from day to day. I look back and hardly recognize the babies they were and when I get adjusted to the new version of them they have grown some more. I often wish for a slow motion button or even a pause button so I can relish in each moment a little but more. I love our life so much that I want to be able to keep each moment on for a lot longer than I am able to have. 

But our job as parents is to usher our children along. And isn't that a great word for it. Our job is to usher them, guide them, lead them, correct them, to show them the way. As much as we want to keep our little nest full at some point you have to let those little birds fly. 

And that is where I get sad. Because I am so torn now in how I feel about Johnny. Where I have silently wished for the girls to  slow down so I can enjoy each moment a bit more, I have started willing Johnny to hurry up. I don't want him to slow down and to lag behind his peers. I don't want him to start missing milestones. I don't want these small week differences in reaching goals I turn into month and year differences. The gap very well may grow larger and larger and while I want to enjoy him for who he is, I want him to grow and do "normal" things too. It's so hard to balance enjoying everyday life and wanting him to grow up and accomplish normal things. 

I will myself into accepting Johnny for the almost seven month old he is and how could I not, but it is an interesting parenting dilemma. I guess regardless time moves as it will and we just do the best with each moment we are given. 

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