Thursday, June 13, 2013

Not a day for blog fodder

Yesterday started off pretty brilliant...and ended pretty ok too. There were some definite hiccups and craziness, but it was a day that a blogger can stand back, look around, and say, "This. I want to remember this. This is some good fodder." I will save that post for tomorrow. Instead, I will write about...

Today was not a good day for blog fodder. It started off decently enough. The girls requested blueberries from picking yesterday in their pancakes and I obliged. They even got whip to dunk their pancakes in as well. My first pumping session of the day wasn't so great, but I figured there was plenty of time to make up for it. We had done a bit of socialization over the past three days and the kids were looking a bit worn out so I figured we would run two little errands (very easy and light day for us) and come home for some snuggles and maybe a bit of extra t.v. time with a Redbox rental. All in a days work, right?
I don't know why the picture is upside down. Not going to fix it.
 It is one of THOSE days after all!


Johnny must be going through some sort of growth spurt right now because the little man is cranky. Still easy. But cranky. I told myself "That's ok, things will settle out, let's keep going."

Then I tried pumping some more and got even more dismal results. I told myself, "That's ok, we have time to pump a little longer and you can pull from your freezer stash, that's what it is there for."

Then we were getting ready and the girls kept stepping on and dropping things on my big toe which I have been nursing back to health over the past YEAR when I experienced some toe nail trauma (from the girls) and lost the toenail partially and then fully. It is almost all the way better except for a little corner that is trying to be ingrown, but I refuse to let it. But it hurts. And it's sensitive. And I have worked a lot for that big ol' toe and I am done with having to baby it. So I may have lost my cool a little bit and told Keegan, "STOP stepping on my toes. That HURTS." And she looked up at me with her big brown eyes and said with her sweet little voice, "Ok, mama." And I melted. So I hugged her and told myself, "They are kids, lets take a deep breath and move on."

And Mr. Crankypants started fussing again so I fed him the little milk I had pumped and told myself, "Give him the milk you have, fill up that little tummy, he will probably take a nice long nap."

The first errand was a bust due to my pickiness and not wanting to settle for buying something that wasn't perfect. I was ok with that. It happens.

Then we went to Target and the switch flipped on Keegan and she went ballistic because I wouldn't let her unbuckle her seat in the huge cart and get out. I know, I know, how mean of me to look out for her safety. With Mac, her cry was so small that we would just continue on with errands like that. Keegan has a superior talent of reaching multiple pitches and tones that make it impossible to work past the cries. And we have known the child long enough for when we can work through it and when we can't. Today we couldn't.

"It's ok". I told myself, "Let's grab some lunch (for mommy- Panera has a drive through and a greek salad with chicken was calling my name), get home, and the kids can watch their movie while I get stuff done."

Which started the four hour rotation of one of the children being on top of me at all times. I wanted to clean and straighten up, they wanted as much of their skin touching as much of my skin as was decent.

It was hard. I wanted so much to be productive. To "make something of my day". To accomplish things. But I was limited by my circumstances on getting things done and I my heart was, to be honest, only half devoted towards snuggles and clinginess.

You think she was tired?

The day got better, but I think I need to hit my reset button too. So I am giving myself a pass today. I am going to take a shower and cuddle up on the couch with a fuzzy blankie, a bowl of ice cream, and the movie Oz, and hopefully go to bed early. My alarm is set to wake up early and get in some extra pumping sessions (because it has gone from bad to worse throughout the day) and a few chores before kids get up.

And I think I may go "check on the girls" who are giggling in the bed and give them a couple little snuggles so they know, at the end of the day, my heart beats for them, even if I lost track of that in my distracted and "difficult" day.

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