Friday, January 4, 2013

In defense (a little rant)

I have referred several times to a blog written by Kelle Hampton, Mommy to a chromosomally enhanced little girl named Nella. Kelle has become a huge "celebrity" in the blog world and along with the numerous fans she has around the world, she also, of course has critics. She responded to some of that criticism yesterday. I have read some of the hate sites previously and I know that Kelle's style of writing and views on the world do not appeal to everyone. As she states, most of her criticism comes from people who say that her positive outlook on life makes her a "unicorn who poops glitter". She has also gotten a lot of responses from people telling her "just wait" and warn her that when Nella gets older that she will see what it is really like to have a child with special needs.

It is so frustrating for many reasons. My main response would be that Kelle has always had this positive outlook on life, even before she hit mega blog status after posting the birth story of her child. It's not necessarily a front that she has put out there because it garners success. Additionally, she does post about struggles and pain along with her effort to "suck the marrow out of life". Furthermore, since when does it matter what she decides to put on her blog... And with a public blog you have to be careful about what you write or you have to be ready for what others will think. You can either put yourself out there and have all sorts of emotions thrown back at you or you can evaluate and shelter your writing and have less of a chance of retaliation from others. Each writer has to decide that. At the end of the day, I write for myself and my family and to help inform others. Mostly it's about us and what we are going through in written form. And it shouldn't take away from others or their experiences, it's just documentation of one of billions of lives.

What is even more hurtful are the people that tell her to just wait...that things will get worse...that one day her life will crumble just because of the special child Nella is. To them, I have a lot of very foul things I would like to say. I have been told "Just wait, you will see how it really is" for a long time now. Before I got pregnant with Mac, people told me "Just wait, you will see how bad pregnancy is"...I'm still waiting. Before I had Mac, people told me "Just wait, you will see how it is once you have a kid"...I'm still waiting. Then they said, "Oh well, just wait until she is 1, you will see how bad it is"...still waiting. Then they moved to, "Just wait until you have two, then it gets really bad"...guess what...still waiting. On and on and on people go about how bad it is going to get. At what point does the bad set in? Because I have had three kids in 3 years and 1 week and this pretty nice... Am I saying that our life is always perfect...of course not. Am I saying that there aren't days or nights that I don't know what to do with myself or with the kids...absolutely not. There are huge struggles in our life...but if that is the "just wait", if that is the "bad parts" then we must be doing something right. I really think that a lot of this is about perspective. I go into a lot with the kids with an attitude of "I don't know how it will go, let's give it a shot". And usually, it ends up pretty good. There have been times where outings or days have been one disaster after another, but more days than not, we surprise ourselves with how good we can do. It all goes back to making things good.

Making good takes work. It can mean putting some things on the back burner in favor of others. It takes patience. It means taking a chance and seeing what you as a Mommy and what your kids are capable of. It means confidence in yourself that you can totally handle all three kids in all sorts of situations. Sometimes...ok oftentimes it means extra snacks, a couple of juice boxes, and a diet dr. pepper for Mommy to make sure we get that extra boost of whatever it is we need to keep on making good. It also means being ok with giving up, recollecting and calming down, and trying again tomorrow. And in the end it means trying to avoid regret. I think Kelle knows that and tries to be realistic about that. That instead of succumbing to the "just wait" mentality from outsiders and from inside us all, she goes and does, trying to make good wherever she can. And if it does end up that Nella or Johnny are bigger "handfuls" in the end and need a lot more than the "fluff", then shouldn't we enjoy our kids for who they are now? Shouldn't we take advantage of all the good we can and all the times that making good was simple? Shouldn't we try to store up as many of those sunshine moments to fall back on when we are tired, frustrated, and feel ready to succumb? Shouldn't we work hard to remember that this moment, right now, is worth living and that makes life infinitely good?

I appreciate Kelle's ability to put a positive spin on her life and what she tries to accomplish with her family. It's what works for her. When finding out about Johnny's diagnosis, so many people told me how enriched our life would be with him and how much joy he would find in life, why shouldn't we take the opportunity for a little bit of that extra joy too? When I need a dose of reality and skepticism, there are plenty of medical articles I can read. When I need a dose of rainbows and sparkles, then I am thankful for Kelle to read. Because I really like storms...but I also like sparkles....and sunshine...

This is pretty good...

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