Awkward 2.0

Holding Johnny. Picked Up my Phone. Went to turn off living room light. Tripped over cord (flat on floor, mind you). Crashed into wall. Almost hurt Johnny. Broke lamp. Scraped and bruised leg. Still not idea how that happened. The clumsiness continues...

THE Game

Everyone keeps wondering what Johnny Football is going to be doing tomorrow around 2:30. The media keeps posing the question about how Johnny Football is going to look, what can we expect of him, how wild are things going to get?

Well, I'm his mama and I can tell you he is going to be sleeping. No wildness. No performance. No autographs.

In all seriousness, we are pretty stoked about playing in "the" game of the year. I love my boys, always have, and always will. But I never, ever, ever thought that I would see a game where the average ticket price was over $700. I never thought there would be a whole camera devoted to one of our players. I really hope we win. But either way, I love my Aggies through and through!

Ouch

I'm awkward. There is no way around that. In high school I played basketball and could do some pretty intricate moves and fakes to get a better shot at the net. But I was also known for my ability to fall. It was suggested by other teammates that I would trip over the painted lines on the court. There would be nobody around me and I could be running, or sometimes standing completely still, and I would just drop like a sack of bricks. I am constantly running into stuff, mainly door frames, but sometimes straight walls that I should be walking parallel to and always furniture. When I say I am running into stuff it is more like slamming into it, but that's semantics.

A few weeks ago I ran into Target with the kids and thoroughly managed to slam my flip flop adorned feet into a stationary railing meant to corral carts. It hurt, but I supressed a cuss word or two, breathed deeply (natural childbirth methods are great for that), and moved on. It bruised, but no biggie. Today, at the same Target, one I don't go to often, I hurt myself again. I could come up with some cool story about a burning orphanage, my running to save orphans and puppies, getting everyone out safely, and as my hair billowed through the wind with a massive explosion behind me, stray debris hit my foot, but that is not what happened. In fact, I am not sure what happened. I was walking behind the cart, Johnny was happily looking around, I slammed my pinky toe into the wheel, and felt more pain than I have felt in...well... just about 10 1/2 months! I'm not kidding when I say it hurts. We are talking about tears to my eyes, lump in my throat, holding myself up from falling over, gasping for breath, and trying not to shout anything to profane hurt.

I limped away, still feeling shooting pain through my foot and throughout the day I have marveled at the change in color of my damaged toe. Matt sent pictures to his dad, he said it's probably cracked/fractured, but they don't do much for broken toes, and the bruising is from lots of burst blood vessels. I still can't believe how awkward I am, I have had some injuries over the years but this takes the cake so far.

The first picture is at 1:30, the second is at 9:30

Sorry for the unpainted toes!

Friend response

I had some great feedback from yesterday's post. All of the support and love meant much to my heart. A particularly meaningful conversation follows:

Friend: "I don't think I am as great as you say. But I do love you guys so much. And Johnny the most. LOL"

Me: "You don't have to be great. You just have to love with all your heart. Remember- (this is from a blog I read and shared with her at a different time) Don't over think love."

...

Me: "But I think you're pretty great."

It was a perfect reflection on a meaningful post. None of us have to be great, we just have to love. That love doesn't have to be anything magic or book worthy or picture perfect, it's simple and innate. The love in our relationships is what is most important, we all find flaws in ourselves, but if we love then none of that matters. If we love freely then the perception of greatness will follow. And Johnny will probably love better than any of us could imagine.

On a side note, this is so reflective of what true Christianity is. We are all flawed, but we have the ultimate gift of love given to us. That love was not over thought, but given freely. We hope to show that love back to others. Even though we fail and fall short, we can still be examples of love.

Friends

Matt and I are very big into relationships. We work hard to strengthen, build, develop, and invest in relationships we have or feel we would like in our lives. Matt and I think these relationships are important and drive much in our lives. We like having friends and we like our kids having friends. Having friends with kids that are near our kids ages was and is

very important to both of us.

I have always had dreams of grand things for myself, my family, and my kids. I day dreamed situations of political leadership, scientific discoveries, athletic skills, historical or educational brilliance, business dominance, or even fame of the Hollywood persuasion. I felt amazing and unique, I wanted my kids to be amazing and unique, and wished big dreams for them. I wanted uniqueness in the real way, not the "every kid get's a trophy because everyone has value" kind of way.

Then we were slammed with Johnny's diagnosis. I wanted unique and I got unique. He is one in 400,000 that possess that extra chromosome here in the United States. He has physical characteristics that set him apart. He will very well struggle in a way that makes him different from the group. And suddenly, all I could possibly crave was normalcy for him. Gone were the dreams of being an olympian/actor/president/mogul/noble prize winner/author and it it's place were dreams for a perfectly average life.

Within that average life, what I crave most for Johnny are friendships. I yearn for true, deep, meaningful, supportive friendships. I want people to desire to spend time with my son. I want others to feel his magnetism. I want kids to automatically include him in their friends list, to place him on their birthday invite list, to ask where he is if he is absent or gone for some reason or another, and to beg for chances to play with him. I fear the day he is shunned by who he thinks are his buddies because he is different. I worry about the first party he is left out of because his pals (or their parents) don't want to invite him. My heart aches thinking about people running away from him on the playground or at school because they fear him or don't want to be around him.

I won't even venture down the road of concerns about him being verbally abused or made fun of.

I worry too about the girls, how their friendships will be impacted by his presence, how their lives will overall be better, but how much of a struggle those lessons may be one day. How hard it will be to explain about their brother, how difficult it may be to have to balance their desire for acceptance and their love for him, and how kids can be cruel enough to the most "perfect" of children, much less the easy targets and what that will mean for them. I worry both about their shame at having a brother with special needs and the guilt associated with feeling that shame that will eventually come around as well. I pray that they will be able to forgive themselves for the inevitable frustration that will come at some point.

It's hard because it is all so innate and deep in human nature. The desire to be...desired. The hope that other's will love you and that your presence will be just as nourishing to others as their presence is to you. We all want acceptance into a group, into our pack. Nobody wishes to be left behind, especially not on a consistent basis.

I can worry and pray about the future, but I can't make friends for him. I pray for him, but I also pray for his future friends. That they are good people who enrich our lives and feel enriched in turn. I pray for their hearts and for strength when the friendship becomes challenging. Today, it means so much to us, to see the rallying force of our friends while we wait for Johnny to make his own. I admire the pure love shown for our son and the treatment of him as being normal around their children. They couldn't possibly know how wonderful it is to hear them refer to Johnny as their kid's best buddy or friend or future best man at their wedding...and wouldn't he be the perfect best man! It can be stated aloud or posted as a simple facebook status or message, but it means.so.much. Consistently, tears spring to my eyes and my throat swells with a heart that fills to the brim each time I hear this. I cannot help but be nourished by the "I love you"s, the requests for snuggles, and the happy gazes sent in his direction. If these friends are any indication of how their children will love my son (and my daughters) then our lives will continue to be rich indeed.

The Johnson Gene

Mac is pretty much all Howard Family. Her stature, her looks, her expressions all come from her Daddy's side of the family. We still comment on how, within 15 minutes of exiting the womb, she was making facial expressions like Matt. I see so little of myself in her physically, but I've been thrown a couple of pitches in her personality. One shone through this past weekend at church. A friend of ours was with Mac in the large group for preschool. Anywhere from 20-30 kids will sit, listen to a bible story, sing a song, and answer questions about what they are learning. Apparently, someone was either talking out of turn or answered incorrectly. Mac proceeded to turn around, look our friend straight in the face, and gave her the biggest eye roll she had ever seen out of a little kid. When my friend told me the story she laughed and said, "I couldn't help but think, oh! There is some of your mother in you!" I'm so proud of my little eye roller. I will give her a lesson in hiding the eye roll soon.

Edited to add: Apparently it was the teacher that Mac was rolling her eyes at...like "C'mon lady, we got this, let's move on..." She is so my daughter...

Savory breakfast muffins

I try to have breakfasts for Matt that are easy for him to grab on his way out the door. I will make big batches of breakfast tacos, muffins, kolaches, or egg sandwiches for the fridge or freezer most days. But we are always looking for new meals to enter the rotation, so enter the sausage muffin recipe found at this website

http://unsophisticook.com/savory-cheddar-sausage-breakfast-muffins/

They were first made by a friend for church and Matt and I loved them, thinking they tasted "like Thanksgiving". I 

made them this last week with a few changes. First, because we have gobs of link venison sausage, I diced that 

and lightly sautéed it. I also skipped the sautéed onion in favor of fresh green onions, chopped and thrown in the 

batter with the cheese and corn. 

These muffins are savory and sweet with a nice salty flavor from the sausage and cheese. My friend said they 

freeze great so we will be making another double batch for the freezer soon!