Adding in Formula

It has been five days since we began adding in formula to Johnny's bottles. At our pediatricians recommendation we added in an ounce or two of Similac Advance to each bottle to see how he tolerated it. We have barely noticed a change in him or his diapers so for now we will say he is doing well with it. We started with adding an ounce and transitioned to two ounces midweek. 

How do I feel about supplementing? That's an interesting question. I am, after all, one of the numerous breast feeding and pumping queens. I thought this would feel a bit like being forcibly removed from the throne. Dethroned or not, it actually feels ok. It actually feels more than ok. 

Many mommies can probably relate. And even if not over the pressure to breast feed, I'm sure there is sympathy over the pressure to (insert mommy-ING task here). We mommies feel pressure, real or imagined from many sources. We have pressure from society, from doctors, from nurses, from other mommies we know, other mommies we don't know, random strangers, teachers, family members, and mostly, from ourselves. This pressure can be implied, outright spoken, suggested with a look, or even be not present at all, just assumed on the receiving end. It could be raised eyebrows at giving your kid a sprite. It could be mumbled words of "She should really stop having kids". It could be a question of "Are you sure you want to do that?" Or it could just be us assuming that people are looking down on us when we make a decision that is related to any part of parenting. 

So why do I feel so good about adding in formula to Johnny's diet? Because, plain and simple, I needed the help. With that first addition, I felt instant relief, I felt all the pumping stress wash away, and I felt good about continuing to pump again. Funny that adding in formula made it feel good to pump again. I needed a helper and the formula was able to provide it for me. If you haven't experienced is guilt and worry, imagine a hard day with the kids, multiple injuries, no naps, barely got anything to eat, everyone is still in their jammies, you have a cold, and your husband calls to say he is on his way home from work early and he is picking up pizza, a movie, and ice cream on the way. That instant relief of "help is on the way" is exactly what I felt. 

So if people want to judge me, so what? I have gotten rid of the imaginary judginess and if people want to act like they have walked in my shoes then I could care less. I have worked hard for the past eight months to make, what I felt, was the best nutritional decision for my son. Now I have help and I am goings keep working hard to maintain a decent balance of breast milk and formula. And there may be one day that he gets mostly formula or all formula, but that'll be ok by me. And anyone that cares for us and knows our battle will find it ok too. 

Logistics wise, I don't feel like I am hemmoraging milk out of my stash anymore. In fact, this week I have only pulled to bags the whole week as opposed to two to three bags a day that was the norm fr the past three or four. If I can keep this pattern up then great! I will just supplement as we have been doing and just have extra milk from my stash to feed him for awhile.  If I have another major dip in supply (although you can't get much lower than 10-14 ounces a day) then I will have to both up my supplementing an ounce at a time and dip into my stash. I would really like him to get some breast milk all the way to a year so we will see if we can make that happen! The pumping is still hard work and still ties me down for about three hours a day, but as stated, it doesn't feel like a burden anymore. It has become a happy choice again and one my heart feels good about once more. 

Thanks again for everyone's support and suggestions so far! It really means a lot to me. 

Sickness- you probably don't want to read

So this is either the strangest stomach bug that ever existed or we are getting a round of something else or Keegan and now Johnny just need to work something out of their systems. I was greeted with the stench of nasty, disgusting, dried puke all over the girls bed this am. I have never seen MacKenzie so happy to see me as when I opened the room to let them out and she could escape from the magnificent sickness that permeated the place. Keegan was chipper and happy, I would be too if I needed to get all of that out of my body. She has been happy for the entire day and has had no issues past this morning. I carefully monitored each of the kids to assess how we were doing. Mac didnt eat much but has been fine. Johnny had a bit of spit up this morning, but nothing noteworthy. When he woke up from his afternoon nap he didnt have some puke, but he also ate new food and I thought it may be that. Until I was feeding him his favorite garden vegetables and the retching started. Poor little guy. He choked down some of his bottle and was asleep before 7, the girls passed out at 7. We are praying that that is the end of it for a long time!

New Job

Over the past few months, Matt and I have been really diligent about buckling down our budget and trying to figure out plans for preschool, an activity or two for the girls, a family vehicle, and saving for that eventual and down the road house. As we were evaluating options for preschool, I found out that a friend was helping his company hire for a work from home position. Prayers answered. Job in lap. Extra income for preschool and activities acquired. It's amazing the blessings we receive sometimes. This position should prove to be a good fit for me once I get the hang of it. It is working for a company that pour concrete in the oil field so there is a lot of lingo and technical jargon that I do not understand! I will get there though, I'm a fast learner!

Plugging in

One of the things that you find when there is a defined diagnosis for your kid's special needs is that everyone tries to plug you into a group with other people with that diagnosis. Our genetic counselor, doctor, evaluators, and OT were asking us pretty regularly if we had contacted anyone to learn from their experience and get more support. I drug my feet at first, a lot. I wasn't sure if I wanted to, what I viewed as succumbing, but joining the group. It seemed like I could more easily hide from it if I wasn't part if a group. I did join a friend at a special needs night at a local jump place though and liked the mommy we met there. That mommy passed my name onto another mommy and soon after I was hit by an email inviting me and the kids to a playgroup. We weren't able to join, but soon after we were invited to another play date by the same group. I was nervous and worried (I can admittedly be pretty stand offish and didn't want to step on any toes), but I told myself I had to give it a try. I am so glad I did! I met some nice mommies and I met a great mommy and a new friend that I am very much glad to have in my life. I knew we would be friends as she watched on as her son who is a year older than Johnny are mulch. I told her I knew we could be friends because of that too! A relaxed, ready to enjoy life mommy was just what I needed. We had a play date tonight at the same bounce house and it was nice to see many of the same mommies I have been getting to know. It is hard in some ways, looking around and wondering where Johnny will be when he is each of the kids ages. But it was nice to sit and talk with people who understood your worries and helped celebrate your victories in a very personal and sympathetic (rather than empathetic) way. Pictures of our fun bouncing to come!

Summer Bucket List Issues

I've run into a small inconsequential first world problem with the Summer bucket List. Today as storms rolled in, I thought about crossing off another item from our list for us to play in the rain. Problem with rain in Houston, it is rarely not paired with lightening and thunder. So we may have to wait until we get a smaller rain shower for that, or we may have to modify the list item to playing in puddles after the rain. I wouldn't want our neighbors to think we are as crazy as the 10 year old boy who was allowed to walk around outside during the hurricane a few years back. I could have gone ahead and crossed off baking in the rain, but we have an excess of sweets at the moment and I sort of have something special in mind for that.

CPR Certification

A few weeks ago, a friend of ours sent out an email trying to organize a CPR class. She needed to renew hers for adoption stuff and wanted to see if others were interested. Matt and I decided to join because it had been over ten years since we both learned in high school and figured we could use a refresher. We are very glad we did. It was nice to relearn information, store away information, and focus in on the new guidelines. When we did class before there were all sorts of rules about how many compressions to breaths you did for different ages, how many people were working, and other scenarios. Now it is an easy 30 compressions, 2 breathes, all to the beat of "Stayin' Alive"! I feel it was one Of our most romantic dates yet as we prepared for emergency situation that could help our friends or family. Plus, if I'm a nurse one day I will need to know CPR anyways!!!

The Little Nurse

Mac likes to climb the furniture in her room. Apparently, tonight after Matt put the kids to bed, she climbed the changing table, fell off, and managed to score a pretty impressive goose egg. Matt was downstairs feeding Johnny, heard the fuss and figured it was normal Mac and Keegs war/drama. He waited to finish Johnny's bottle, so he could put him down and diffuse the situation all at once. Keegan apparently knew the situation warranted Daddy's attention immediately, so she ripped the child safety off the door handle and guided Mac down the stairs. Mac is fine, a little site and probably a little embarrassed and we are impressed with our little caretaker. She won't let anything get in her way!