Stress

Johnny is going to be evaluated for physical therapy in the coming weeks. I have such mixed emotions about this. On one hand I am grateful for the extra attention my boy is getting. He has needs, his needs are getting met. I have had a perfect experience with ECI so far and this is another example of it. I mentioned it to our OT, she said she was already thinking of submitting a request, and that's all it took. There was no fighting, no justifying, no begging, no pleading which is great. At minimum this would be two extra times that experts are coming in to work with us meeting our goals. 

That's two extra meetings. I'm starting to get a little overwhelmed (does that mean I'm just whelmed? Wait, I'm not in France, never mind) by all the extra. He is such an easy kid, except all the extra stuff. Now, most of the extra stuff is really manageable and is simply a more deliberate version of what moms and dads do with their kids all the time. But there is a lot of it when you are talking about OT, ST, SST, and now PT. Throw in two older siblings, managing wearing glasses, making sure snuggles and love is high on the agenda, and life (which I am so good at filling), and I start to stress. Plus, it weighs on you. The thoughts of "Keep working. He will get it.  Just move forward. Do what you can." only takes you so far. And panic sets in really easily even though you know that nap on the couch with your son is just as important as the 90-90 sitting that needs work. 

It also means he is starting to lag. While that is expected, it's still hard to see. I'm so proud of his social and verbal development, but he is behind physically. And as much as my head says we would face that eventually, my heart still aches at the reality. He will catch up, I know that, but I'm ready for some progress now. In reality, it makes sense. He was (and sometimes is) so sleepy that it was (and is) hard to work with him. For the first few months of therapy, he would literally fall asleep in sessions. How do you work on tummy time with a kid who would fall asleep in any position? It meant lost months of progress and because it has to be a progression of skills and building, we are seeing effects now. 

In the end, I'll work out my schedule, push him further, cheer for his victories, and be grateful for the extra help, but for now, I remain torn. It's fuel though, fuel to push and to continue, and he is so worth it.