Matt and I really enjoy the little trips between College Station and Houston. We drove it frequently when we were in college to visit my family and do so frequently now to visit his family. The trip is a short and easy drive and we don't feel like it is a waste of a drive for a day trip or occasionally even a come and go trip. Often we will stop and get an Iced tea from McAllister's or Chick-Fil-A or a special drink from Sonic to make the trip seem even more special. Almost always we use the trip to talk and reconnect. This past weekend we drove up to see Matt's parents and to celebrate his Mom's birthday. The girls love all of their grandparents and enjoy going to Dee and Doc's house emmensely.
On the way back, Matt and I were discussing how we felt about Baby Raptor. I think I started with the question of was he concerned about anything or worried about anything. After talking for awhile we both realized that we were in a very, very good place. Our biggest concern about Baby Raptor is not about the fact that Raptor has Down syndrome. Our biggest concern about Baby Raptor is if we will be good enough parents to raise him or her the way he or she deserves. As we both enthusiastically nodded that this is what we were most scared and worried about and concern furrowed my brow, a smile also broke out across my face. Of course we were worried about being good enough parents! We worry about that with MacKenzie and Keegan all the time! That is part of what being a parent is...worrying about being good enough for your kids! We could totally handle this concern. We fret daily about challenging MacKenzie enough because she is so smart and we want her to be challenged simply for the fact that she loves learning. Keegan is starting to show that intelligence as well and so we add those concerns to our worries for Mac. Both girls are also tremendously caring and sensitive in their own ways so we want them to be in tune to that, but to also be able to be strong and resilient when faced with issues. We worry that we may not provide the best examples for them every day and strive to do better. We worry about adversity they will face and if we have properly equipped them to choose what is right. So it is natural for us to worry about being good enough parents...that is just what we do. So as far as Raptor's chromosomal enhancement goes, we are not doing ok, or good, but great!
All that being said, it is helpful that we are trying to be less Type A about things and to take things as they come. I was trying to look to far forward and was getting overwhelmed with what I needed to plan for and be prepared for. It has been good for me to take a step back and look at things one week at a time, especially because from here on out between myself and Keegan I have appointments once a week at minimum. So I just look to the next appointment and what our focus is for that appointment. It has been nice to, in my mind, slow down the pace of this pregnancy. Instead of counting down constantly how many weeks until, I have been just relishing in things as the week comes. I have been enjoying each kick more and more. I have been focusing on what is happening developmentally and what I can do right now to make things good or take care of tasks. Next week I meet with Dr. Tam Tam, my Maternal Fetal Specialist, for a Level 2 ultrasound/growth check. Because Raptor was already lingering on the lower end of right on target for growth, I am interested to see how he or she is measuring four weeks later. Some babies with Down syndrome do start slowing down their growth right now and as MacKenzie and Keegan measured very much ahead for most of their ultrasounds it should be informative to see where Raptor lies. In the meantime I will enjoy being kicked in the side and having my ribs dug into and worrying about how to better serve my families needs.
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